Dear My Little Man

I have been thinking about you non-stop for the last 24 hours because I posted a blog about you yesterday.  I was scared to hit the enter button because it was such a private matter between you and me, but I thought it would bring me some closure to your passing.  So far, it hasn’t, it has brought me only more sorrow.

I miss you, little guy.  I never realized what you brought to my life.  I took you for granted and I’m sorry about that.

I know you loved me and I know you know I loved you. 

You were a bit of a difficult dog, behavior wise, but I accepted that.  Not many others did.  There were many things we could not do because of your rambunctiousness, but we still had a good time.  We made the best of the situation.  I think you made me become an introvert when I had always been an extrovert.  We did things where you could be outside, but where we wouldn’t encounter a lot of dogs or people.  I was a bit scared you would hurt other dogs/people, yet you were so sweet, loving, and timid around me.  When others would come to the house, you were a changed doggie: excited and uncooperative; same in public places.  I blame myself for that because I did not have a lot of visitors, nor did we go out a lot, consistently.  So, ultimately, I guess I didn’t give you proper socialization skills and training.

My Little Man, you brought me such peace in my life.  You gave me love during my bouts of depression when no one else would.  That’s a huge thing!  I remember so many times I would be sitting on the couch, lying in bed, sitting in a chair outside or standing in the kitchen at the counter and out of no where I would be crying or have an anxiety attack, and you would walk up to my side and be there.  If you could reach my face, you would lick away the tears.  If I were standing at the counter, you would jump up, look at me with a tilt in your head suggesting a question of “what can I do”?  Reminding me to “breathe”. Telling me you were there for me to take my mind off things and play football with you!  THESE were the only times you stood up on the counter!  Such a good man!

I miss you, buddy!